June 23, 2014
First day at my new job. Met new people. Some I find interesting.
Fast forward to 1st year at this job.
So I find the guy interesting but I heard he is 'married' with kids. He is funny. Not your typical funny guy. His idea of jokes are sometimes not wholesome. He is definitely not your Brad Pitt-handsome type of guy. For those who doesn't know me, I don't go for looks. I am after someone who I can talk to about anything under the sun. Someone who can make laugh. So I liked him but his 'marital' status stopped me from really liking him. For me then, he is just a good friend.
A year or two later. I found out he is not married but is with a partner for many years. I found out he is from the same high school. He was born a year and a day after me. We share the same zodiac sign. Then we became really good friends. He would share stories with me. Shared his dark, not-so good side. He shared almost all his flaws. Would call me if he feels bad. If he needs someone to talk to.
Fast forward to March 2019.
So he was feeling bad, at one of his lowest. And I was there, as always, as a friend. We talked. Exhanged messages. We agreed to meet that night. We had some drinks. Talked about life. Until we talked about us. Me. Him. What happened in between those almost 5 years of friendship. Had some revelations in between. Then things happened.
Then things started to happen. Things that are not supposed to happen but we allowed to, for some reason/s.
I thought I had it good. I thought I was in control of my emotions. I was wrong again. So I decided to stop whatever it was that we were having. But I can't. Didn't even lasted a month. I was too caught up to stop. So we started seeing each other.
Until a couple of days ago.
We had another drink. I should have known in all these almost five years that he is not the same person he is whenever intoxicated. I brought it up to him, that he has a problem with his memory, which he acknowledged. Going back, I let him know a part of me that I was keeping from almost everyone. Shared with him my deepest story. Partly brave because of the alcohol. So he said some words that clung onto my soul. Made me thought those are for real. Oh boy, was I wrong.
So here I am again. Am I broken? Am I hurt? Yes. Yes. What makes it more hard is because I have loved him since before I knew more about him and still loved him after all the bad things I have known about him. That he is and will still be a friend after all these. I still want us to be friends. I just want to shield myself first from too much pain this is causing me.
Come June 23, 2019, happy five years of knowing you.
First day at my new job. Met new people. Some I find interesting.
Fast forward to 1st year at this job.
So I find the guy interesting but I heard he is 'married' with kids. He is funny. Not your typical funny guy. His idea of jokes are sometimes not wholesome. He is definitely not your Brad Pitt-handsome type of guy. For those who doesn't know me, I don't go for looks. I am after someone who I can talk to about anything under the sun. Someone who can make laugh. So I liked him but his 'marital' status stopped me from really liking him. For me then, he is just a good friend.
A year or two later. I found out he is not married but is with a partner for many years. I found out he is from the same high school. He was born a year and a day after me. We share the same zodiac sign. Then we became really good friends. He would share stories with me. Shared his dark, not-so good side. He shared almost all his flaws. Would call me if he feels bad. If he needs someone to talk to.
Fast forward to March 2019.
So he was feeling bad, at one of his lowest. And I was there, as always, as a friend. We talked. Exhanged messages. We agreed to meet that night. We had some drinks. Talked about life. Until we talked about us. Me. Him. What happened in between those almost 5 years of friendship. Had some revelations in between. Then things happened.
Then things started to happen. Things that are not supposed to happen but we allowed to, for some reason/s.
I thought I had it good. I thought I was in control of my emotions. I was wrong again. So I decided to stop whatever it was that we were having. But I can't. Didn't even lasted a month. I was too caught up to stop. So we started seeing each other.
Until a couple of days ago.
We had another drink. I should have known in all these almost five years that he is not the same person he is whenever intoxicated. I brought it up to him, that he has a problem with his memory, which he acknowledged. Going back, I let him know a part of me that I was keeping from almost everyone. Shared with him my deepest story. Partly brave because of the alcohol. So he said some words that clung onto my soul. Made me thought those are for real. Oh boy, was I wrong.
So here I am again. Am I broken? Am I hurt? Yes. Yes. What makes it more hard is because I have loved him since before I knew more about him and still loved him after all the bad things I have known about him. That he is and will still be a friend after all these. I still want us to be friends. I just want to shield myself first from too much pain this is causing me.
Come June 23, 2019, happy five years of knowing you.
